when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
