i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
