I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
