I'm gonna have a badass scar
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
