weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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