why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
