Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
