What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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