he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
