Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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