Moan for me like Helen Keller
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The struggles of a small town man whore
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
