Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
