***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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