Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
