So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
