both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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