She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
