So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
