dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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