I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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