I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
