May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
