Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
