my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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