dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
my poor anus
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
