saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
