He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
