If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
