He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
