When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Shitshow foam night was such a success
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
