The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
