Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
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