Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
