He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
