I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
How's work?
Spinning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
