i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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