so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
