He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
