Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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