I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
