ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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