Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Farmville is her only friend.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
