It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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