the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
