im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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