i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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