shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
