Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
