The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
