I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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