hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Come on in and take your pants off
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