Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
