I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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