just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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