We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
