oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
